I have recently experience this feeling.... I have been out my whole life.  Family and most true friends know about me.  however, i relocated to an area to be close to my girlfirend who is not out and i have been feeling like I'm in the closet.  This has not been a good feeling to me.  I believe that when we are together at home and in certain environments... we  are open and out.  but.... there are times when we have to be extremely careful with each other in front of her family and high school friends.  I don't like the feeling of living in the closet so to speak because i come from a community the is soooooo gay friendly.  So, needless to say our solution is for me to head back home and get settled back into my gay loving community and send for her later.....maybe that is what you will need to do.... consideer relocating to area that is totally gay friendly and live your life to the fullest being exactly who you are....best of luck....

Hi Newtrose,
She sounds "out" but untested. My guess would be that you are either more "out" than her previous lovers or that you ask her to be out in ways she has not dealt wtih before. Coming out has many levels and even those of us who feel we are out still encounter situations where we would simply rather not say one way or another. I am very out but I resent when the woman accros the street introduces me as her gay neighbor. I want to be the judge of how dangerous or appropriate a situations might be. My best advice would be to talk with her about what specifically triggers her and what she feels is safe. At least then you will have something concrete to work on.

Our society creates a great deal of shame around sexuality in general. It could be that the whole topic of sexuality is one she has trouble with and the gay references really push those buttons. You can be heterosexual without it being a direct reference to having sex, in fact most people aren't rude enough around heterosexuals to go directly to a sexual refernce. They stick to whether you love your partner or not. Unfortunately saying that you are gay is equated by many in society with specific sexual acts rather than the emotional counterpart. If you have any sexual guilt at all, this kind of public discussion can trigger feelings of shame.

Last edited by Sealynx (2010-11-27 10:05:39)

I can understand and sometimes you need to express your feelings should be a highly valued person and never feel bad for who you are!!!  I had a girlfriend who tried to avoid that as well and then put me down for being happy-go-ucky, romantic and loving.  She looked past my good points and critized my so-called issues.  It is ok to express your feelings.   Remember there are others who root you on.

Yes, all you can be is yourself and sometimes doors open up in relationships and others close and things can be very surprising and I need that same encouragement as well!!!!!  There are blessing all around us and all the more inside us!!!!!!!  Blessings!!!!!!

i have had a relationship for 2 years and i wanted to come out but my girlfriends doesn't....at the end it didn't worked anymore and it ended...to bad...but we were having a relationship that couldn't be a real relationship...now i'm hoping to find someone who doesn't want to hide it...