1 Topic by Tanni2292

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Topic: Being Muslim and a Lesbian

I don't know if anyone here can help me since I belong to a religion that I don't think that a lot of you are apart of, but I need all the help I can...

So I'm 18 years old, and I live in St. Louis, Missouri. I've known all my life that I have an attraction to women but I have come to label myself as a lesbian only about six months ago. I love my religion of Islam (those who belong in the religion of Islam are called Muslims) but there are strong feelings against homosexuality. As I was growing up, it was basically known to everyone that homosexuality is unacceptable and considered a sin. It was sort of a topic that was "nonexistent" so people never talked about it, never. Back in places such as Saudi Arabia, Iran, and Pakistan, people are put in prisons or put to death because they are homosexual (just to give you an idea of how forbidden it is).  I've read that in Islam, it is admitted that there are people who are born gay or lesbian, but the sin is whether they act upon it. So as of right now, since I haven't been having any sexual relations with a female, I'm not sinning.

I've only told one of my friends who considers herself as an atheist but she was born into a Muslim family and she fully loves me for who I am and it actually made us closer, but she doesn't really have the mentality of a Muslim so I don't really know how any of my parents or Muslim friends would react. The reason I told her was because I know she's a huge activate for gays. I haven't told my parents, my older brother, my twin sister, nor any of my more religious friends. Even though my parents aren't the most Islamic parents in the world, I still do fear their reaction, especially my mother's. She's always has expected me to marry a man and the typical Muslim girl lifestyle. I know that she is going to have a strong reaction and  I have decided not to tell them until I enter college and sort of "find myself" sort of deal.

The thing is I don't see a future for me. Because my religion forbids such a large apart of myself, I just don't see how I can be happy with who I am or who I will end up being with. The thing is when I do find someone that I'd like to be with, I sort of can't because of my religion. I really do love my religion a lot, but it's really a bummer that I can't be with the person that I'd like to be and can't live the life I would like to. As

Please, if you have anything to comment about or anything to say that will help me, please do. I can use all the help and support I can get. Thanks!

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2 Reply by CKinMA

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Re: Being Muslim and a Lesbian

Are you familiar with the movie A Jihad for Love?  It is listed as the world's first documentary film on the coexistence of Islam and homosexuality.  Their website at http://www.ajihadforlove.com says "Fourteen centuries after the revelation of the holy Qur’an to the Prophet Muhammad, Islam today is the world’s second largest and fastest growing religion. Muslim gay filmmaker Parvez Sharma travels the many worlds of this dynamic faith, discovering the stories of its most unlikely storytellers: lesbian and gay Muslims."   Netflix lists it as available to Watch Instantly if you have an account.  In the movie review at AfterEllen they list the filmmaker's blog at http://www.ajihadforlove.blogspot.com.

There will always be a future for you!  Perhaps you can find guidance from the movie or the blog or some info you might find reading them.

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3 Reply by Spifunkey

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Re: Being Muslim and a Lesbian

Tanni2292: Here is a website I found that lists a number of support groups for gay and lesbian muslims. http://www.safraproject.org/co.htm just a word of caution, if you really don't want your family to know about your sexuality until you are ready to tell them, be sure to delete browsing history on any family shared computers. I was outed to my mom when I was 17 because of an auto fill address bar.

Also, are you close with your twin? Do you have an idea how your twin feels about homosexuality? Maybe she already has an idea that you are a lesbian. My twin knew before I told her, and lucky for me was ok with it and is really one of my biggest supporters. I find twins share a special bond that is hard to break.

As for trying to find yourself in college, research to make sure the college you decide to go to is supportive of the LGBT community. The last thing you need is to go to a school and feel you can't be yourself.

When it comes to trying to blend your religion with your sexuality, I'm really not sure what to tell you. Probably the best thing to do is, in the future, decide if you truly want to comply with all the restrictions organized   religion has and will place on you. I always remind people that temples, churches, synagogues, mosques etc. are all man made buildings. The people in them preaching are just as human as you and me. Why should their relationship with whatever superior being you believe in be more important than your relationship with that being? Why should their interpretation of ancient teachings be the only interpretation accepted? Sometimes we need to step away from the dogma and form our own personal relationships with our god and make up our own minds on what is right rather than just believing what someone tells us just because we are  "supposed to."
Hope everything works out for you. Keep us posted with updates. Remember you always have a support  system here if you need it.

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4 Reply by Tanni2292

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Re: Being Muslim and a Lesbian

@CKinMA: No I haven't previously heard of that movie but I did watch it last night. It was interesting to see peoples different lives in different countries and how they deal with their sexuality. It did also help me realize that I can be faithful to my religion while accepting my sexuality. Just because I'm a lesbian, doesn't mean that I cannot also practice my religion to the fullest. Thank you so much for bringing this film to my attention. It truly helped me. 

@Spifunkey: Thank you for giving me the website and I will definitely take a good look at it. And yes, I do delete my browsing history when I know that someone is going to go on my laptop since I have my own. But I still delete my history occasionally just so in case no one would look without my permission and find something because of how paranoid I am.

My twin and I are close, but not too close. Lately I feel that I have purposely distanced myself from her and we have difficultly discussing  our feelings. We did have a very small conversation about homosexuality and she believes that it should be legalized under the U.S Constitution (because of civil rights, ect) but other than that it is sinful and wrong. I feel that if I did tell her about my sexuality, then she wouldn't really make any opinion for herself but rather preach to me that it's a sin. That is what is disappointing to me: how people don't take time to understand something and make a split decision because it is something unheard of and "sinful." I have a feeling that she doesn't suspect anything only because she always attempts to have conversations with me about my "future husband" and homosexuality just isn't a common thing that Muslims discuss I suppose.

And yes, I have researched  the colleges that I've applied to and I know that they do have some sort of LBGT organizations there. But I will do some more research than that if possible. The good thing about me going to college next year is that I will feel less pressured to hide myself all the time because me and my sister are most likely going to different colleges due to our differed interests in studies.

In response you your last comment, I agree that when we read is only an interpretation of how people understand the holy book and that doesn't mean that I need to and I like your comment on man made buildings because you're absolutely right. I should probably rather focus more on my relationship with God, and not really listen to other people for it is God who is going to judge me. The thing is, I love my religion of Islam and I consider myself a good Muslim and it is just this part of my life that is difficult to accept. Thank you for commenting and making me realize somethings that I really need to ponder about....

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