1 Topic by Zema

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Topic: I Think I Need A Bit of Help...

I've been struggling with depression for years, yet... No one will help me. My mother promised that she would take me to get tested for it, and hopefully get something to help me and she didn't - last year. Counselors don't really help me, either, mostly because I dislike them all; I stopped seeing these kinds of people in... 2007, I believe.

Anyway, I went to visit my mother earlier this year. Needless to say, a bunch of drama went down and I ended up staying to take care of her and my brother. But the stress was eating me alive. I had to leave. When I got there, I was happy. When I left, I'd never been so happy to go back to Florida in my life. I literally bounced off the walls with joy at my return.

Well, it's like... My third day being home, but it doesn't seem to have helped my mood any. I still have a rapidly declining interest in things that I love and thoroughly enjoy - such as writing/role-playing and drawing. I haven't inked any of my art work in over five months... And I wish that I could, but I just don't have the drive for it for some reason. I'm tired all the time, my mood boarders on the mellow "I don't care..." line and "urg"...

One of my online friends (who I love dearly) has recently lost two friends this month, making for THREE this year. She's only 15... I'm so worried about her that it's not even funny. Her, my mother, my friend Seth... Urg. Then there's all the things I have to do, like get a job, get better at driving, etc.
It's... A lot of pressure, and I don't know what to do. I feel kinda down, I'm neglecting my duties as an admin on my own forum as well as others, I'm less outgoing... Urg. I hate this.

I just want to enjoy and be able to write again. To draw again. To not need a constant distraction to keep myself content instead of feeling... Blank/empty all the time. I just turned 18 this year, and once again I feel like I have no where to turn and no where to go for help. I saw this place being advertised on the NATE show and thought that maybe, just maybe, I'd be able to find some sort of assistance. What do I do?

Quote Post 1

2 Reply by Spifunkey

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Re: I Think I Need A Bit of Help...

First things first Zema, take a nice deep breath. It's easy for us to get so wrapped up in stress/anxiety/depression we don't know how to begin to dig our way out. From your post it seems like you have stretched yourself thin and are trying to give a lot of support to others while not concentrating on caring for yourself first. You seem pretty burned out from trying to please/help/care for/support/worry about everyone around you. All that worry can be exhausting.  Try to break things down. Try  to not think about everything as an immediate priority, but weigh the need for attention based on level of severity. (I would put you and your wants and needs at the highest level.) Concentrate on the things you enjoy first. Focus more on the fun things that matter to you like your forum and drawing.

It seems that you want to be tested and treated for depression, yet you say your mom never took you. I do not know your situation, but my suggestion would be to not rely on someone to get you the help. Instead of focusing on the broken promise of your mom, make a promise to yourself to get treated and get to a doctor/clinic/treatment center on your own. If you are currently attending school, many campuses have counseling services, if not, Google search depression treatment for teens/young adults in your area. You didn't allude to the fact, but I want to be safe and remind you if you are feeling depressed enough to be thinking about suicide, harming yourself in anyway or feel you are in crisis, you can always call 1-800-273-TALK for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline,  866 4 U TREVOR (866-488-7386) for the Trevor Project or visit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention @ http://www.afsp.org/

Hope this response helped in some way.

"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt."-William Shakespeare

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3 Reply by Zema

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Re: I Think I Need A Bit of Help...

To begin, thank you for responding.

Yeah, that's what I've been trying to do for the past week: enjoy myself. I've been playing an MMO for the past few days, non-stop, in an attempt to relax and unwind, etc. I've been more active with my DWO guild forum (which I made) than my main priority, which is DSoJ. But it's difficult to do that when your friends constantly NEED you. A close friend of mine tried to explain to them that I just needed some me time without having to worry about other people, but they took it totally wrong and it ended up backfiring. :\ Meli (the 15 year old) knows that she over reacted and has been trying to be less demanding of my time, but being how things are on her end right now, that isn't really possible. I'm sure you can understand why.

That was actually... Two year ago, I think. When I was going to school. I attempted to get assistance myself, but no one did anything, so I kinda stopped trying. I did, however, do research by myself and took some kind of test online. The result was a severe case of depression. Now, I don't know if it was a legit test or not, but that is what it said.

I only have a learner's permit, am without a car, and I don't have a job yet. Finding a solution in this kind of situation is difficult. There are probably plenty of people to call, like my senior English teacher that I'm close to, but they have enough going on in their lives and don't need another thing on their plate. I'd rather do it myself when I'm able to. Unfortunately, I have no way of knowing when that will be.

Rest assured that I stopped being suicidal about... A year and a half ago. The girl I was in love with made me promise that I wouldn't do anything stupid, when I was about to overdose. However, just because I stopped attempting it doesn't mean the thoughts and the desire is gone. But I'm intelligent enough to know that death would not be a solution to my problems, and would end up doing more harm than good, so... Don't worry about that.

Quote Post 3

4 Reply by Christina

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Re: I Think I Need A Bit of Help...

Hi Zema,

I think you should definitely reach out to your English teacher. It never hurts to ask for help.  I don't think they would see it as a burden, especially being a teacher.  Most want to help their students succeed in life.

Keep checking in and let us know how you're doing.

All the best,

Christina

Quote Post 4

5 Reply by Zema

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Re: I Think I Need A Bit of Help...

Thanks for responding, Christina.

Actually, she retired from teaching when I graduated. She's going into the FBI sometime this year. When I do call her, our conversations are normally brief. I have a knack for catching her when she's busy - but she still makes time for me.

What I really should do is try to get in contact with my old middle school story teller who became a student counselor. I used to love that woman to death... But we haven't spoken in years. The only contact I do have with her is through myspace. Like me, she doesn't use it often. So... I'm not sure how successful that should be.

Even if I did attempt to reach out to Tiffany (former english teacher; she has us call her by her first name because we're no longer students), what would I say...?

Quote Post 5

6 Reply by shiningrandomly

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Re: I Think I Need A Bit of Help...

i have a similar story.

i've always wanted to get help cos i know i'm not 100% healthy but no one knows. me & my dad don't talk like that. neither do me & my mom (we barely have a relationship) so it's hard. but as you, my 4th grade teacher was/is the closest person to me in my life; and even she doesn't know anything. we had lost contact that last 6 years and thru fb, i got in contact with her son (who i met in 4th grade) and we started talking. i met up with her this past summer. i was sooo nervous cos ever since the 4th grade, she has become my 2nd mom tho she doesn't know it lol and i've missed her soo much. it was a little awkward at first but things got better and now we text once in a while. so much has happened the last 6 years that i need to talk to her about cos she's the only person i feel i can talk to.

anyways, the point i'm making is that i agree, you should contact your teacher or your old middle school teller. if you do get in contact with your old middle school story teller, i would take baby steps like i have to with my mommy #2. it is hard but it's worth it.

maybe she has a fb? more and more teachers are getting on fb lol

hope things get better, zema.

Quote Post 6

7 Reply by Zema

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Re: I Think I Need A Bit of Help...

I'm not sure. Didn't even think about contacting her through facebook, honestly. I'll be sure to do that. Thank you, Shining.

Quote Post 7

8 Reply by Zema

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Re: I Think I Need A Bit of Help...

Just to update you all, I did manage to get in contact with my middle school teller and have been e-mailing her for three days now.  I hope to get everything resolved with me, personally, and for my beloved Amelia - who probably needs her more than I do.

Thank you all for your concern and support. I really appreciate it. In the mean time, I'm going to try setting up something with Jasmyne and such. Wish me luck.

Quote Post 8

9 Reply by shiningrandomly

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Re: I Think I Need A Bit of Help...

that's great, i'm glad you got in contact with her. getting reconnected with my 4th grade teacher has helped a lot for me and i hope it does the same with you and your middle school teller.

that's what we're all here for 

Quote Post 9