i'm 20, now live in florida going to college and i'm bisexual. i've just come to understand myself and realize that it's okay. absolutely no one knows, except for whoever reads this. i finally got the courage to join my school's gsa after 2 years i've been here, chely has inspired me soo much. i feel so comfortable there and it's really helping me feel better about myself. i've lived with my dad since i was little but i feel like if i come out, he will disown me. he's always saying ew she's a lesbian or ew he's gay, and things like that just makes me hide even more. i just don't know what i should do. any advice?

I could never come out where I live,I would not have a job and I would lose everything house ,car .Really sad and to all you ppl that say "just do it"Don't know what your talking about I would have nothing to eat with no job.

Thank you for your kind words.it helps to know that there is some one who has to hide "LIKE ME"

@ Made_In_Canada, I'm also 22 and live in eastern Canada, I know what its like live two lives and trying to keep them seperate. All the lies and trying to keep track of which ones you told and to who. Its exhausting isn't it? I don't really have any advice for you because i'm only slowly coming out myself, but if you need to talk or anything I'm here! 

The last two and a half years of my life I have had a very special person come into my life. She is a beautiful woman and for most of the two yrs of our friendship she was dating and in love with her girlfriend. I at the time was in a rocky 3 yr relationship with a guy (yes it would be lying to call him a "man"). Very few people knew of mine and my friend's mutual attraction, simply for the fear of losing the security of our relationships. Well times got tougher and things changed in our separate relationships and with our own friendship and we both made the difficult decision at that time to let our separate relationships go. My relationship with my ex-boyfriend ended mainly because of his newly acquired prescription drug and alcohol abuse and growing violent anger.  And her relationship ended mainly of her girlfriend’s wishes to move to another town nearly 3hrs away in which my friend did not want to do. In the difficult times following my break up my friend was there for me like no one else was. She was my rock even at that point. A few weeks passed after both break ups and it was clear to both of us we wanted more from each other than just friendship. Some people questioned was it a rebound but from my honest point of view that would be the furthest from the truth. I remember the first day I saw her, I was instantly interested and wanted to know more about her. I noticed her rainbow bracelet she was wearing and this was the first openly gay women I would see or know on a regular basis (I’ve had a few gay guy friends in the past). I was excited! I had always found women attractive and always wanted to sexually be with another female so seeing her and knowing I would spend the next 2 yrs with her (we were in nursing school together) made the thought of “us” come to mind a lot earlier than it probably should have! Anyways, after graduation and our relationships ended we gave things a try between the two of us. Surprisingly, things at first were very rocky. I’m not sure if it was the whole “new relationship” thing, getting over the old one or even slightly wanting the chance to be single or even a mixture of all three. We got past all of that and now are now 5 months into our beautiful relationship and I personally could not imagine being any happier! As far as family goes…. Well that’s a much less glorious story! Her entire family and friends know she is gay (and not everyone agrees, but they “deal with it” as best as they know how). As for my friends, most of them know of my new relationship and support and love me! My family on the other hand, well… they don’t know! My mom is only family member who knows of my current relationship and that is because my girlfriend’s mom told my mom (her mother wasn’t aware mine didn’t know about our relationship – yes, one could imagine the look on my mom’s face when she found out and a similar expression on my face once she confronted me about it!) Since then my mom has explained she is not happy about it but if that’s what I choose she will love me and wants to be a part of my life so she will accept it. But sometimes her comments are less than parallel to what she said! My father and sister will be the biggest hurdle in this “coming out adventure”. I cannot even think of where to start or when to tell them! Ugh it makes me nervous and intimidated just thinking about it! But I want to so desperately! I want them to know who I am and who I love! I dated outside my race a few yrs ago and both my dad and sister voiced their disproval every chance they had and threatened to not be a part of my life if I decided to marry or have children with this man. Much like Chely Wright, I long for my dad’s acceptance probably more than from anyone else on this earth.  I currently live with my mother until my girlfriend and I move in together late next month or early January. When I bought Chely Wright’s book, Like Me, I read it every night in my bed with the door closed and had to hide it in my nightstand drawer when I was finished my daily readings in fear of the argument it would cause. Soon there will be the time to tell my entire family of my new love and yes, I’ll admit, I’m terrified!  Originally I told myself I would only tell my family once I decided she was worth upsetting them. I know that sounds bad but it’s honest! Well it’s been 5 months of mostly ups and even a few downs but she is my best friend and my love. And she’s worth it!   

I've recently came out at work with trepidation since I'm a high school teacher, but I had basically reached an impasse in life that made it impossible for me to continue to try to hide my sexuality. It was an accumulation of things, but primarily the recent teen suicides and the loss of the love of my life earlier this year.

I came out to my family when I was 24,which was 25 yrs ago. I had lived under the pretense that I was out with exception to work. I would never come out at work because I would lose my job, one I loved and valued almost above all else. Teaching is all I have ever wanted to do so I compromised my life. I cannot tell you how many times I ran and dodged in Walmart while shopping with my partner because I saw a parent, teacher, or student. That is not being out in ones private life as I had so easily convinced myself. The only place I was really out was at a gay bar, at home, or with  my family and gay friends; places where I felt protected.

So last October I started the process of coming out at school. I have had personal conversations up to now with 58 teachers and or administrators at my school and one parent. I forgot to mention that I live in the Heartland of America's Bible Belt, The Buckle, they say. I have had only one and half negative response, which shocks, surprises, and baffles me. I simply cannot beleive it, but it is true. I have worked with these people for 8 yrs. They know me professionaly and have a certain amount of respect for me.

I don't know what will happen to me professionaly as a result of my coming out, but I reconciled that before I told the first person. I love my job, but I refuse to live a half life for it any more. Additionally, I want to be available to LGBT kids in need of a teacher that understands, been there done that so to speak. I also want to be a part of change in education in terms of the LGBT community.

Coming out is scary, and I would not recommend it to anyone who is not ready to do it. This is a personal decision that must be made while being fully aware of possible negative consequences. As for myself, I feel liberated and free. It was the right decision for me with no regrets.

@vetabordeaux, thank you for sharing your story.  I live in the bible belt too, and I just recently graduated nursing school and am now working in a small community hospital.  I haven't came out at work because the people there seem to be so closed minded, and with the few job opportunities where I live, I can't risk losing my job right now.  I am out also to everyone else, and I just hope that one day that can spill over into my work life also.  I don't like hiding, but I love my job and taking care of people.  So thank you for your encouraging story, and I hope to have a similar one soon!  Peace, Sharon

I’m quite a bit older than most of you - 50, and certainly understand your fears.  I came out to ALL when I was about 27 YO.  I never flaunted it, because of working in a professional environment, it was too much of a risk, but my family and friends knew.
I'm willing to bet the family already suspects and is just waiting for you to confirm their suspicion.
Remember you need to live YOUR life for YOU - not for your parents or family - even if it's a letdown.

Suggestion:  You are so young, and rather than just coming out and saying
"oh, I’m a lesbian" you may want to gradually work up to it by telling them how special this person is to you, or how Intrigued you are with them, etc.   Let them know you have very strong feelings for the person, maybe to your surprise! …. and to YOU it feels "right" and it's who you are.

If and when questioned about it, they need to know you cannot help your feelings, but this is who you are.  It really is not as taboo or whispered about today like it was 20-30 years ago.  Your parents and family members MIGHT be disappointed (if they don't already know), but if they truly love you they will accept you and support you for who you are and let you live YOUR life and only want happiness for you.  Do expect the “oh, God where did I go wrong lecture – parents like to do 1st"…but they will get over it.  The more educated they are about Gays and lesbians, the more they will realize “they” did not do this to you!  Some people STILL equate being Gay to Sex only….it’s not all about sex, it’s about love, companionship, friendship, and you are comfortable with it, because this is who YOU are and you are still the same person they know and love!
Just my thought!    Be brave and good luck.  It will be a HUGE burden off your shoulders.