I feel like I have lost her my best friend

Nov 30, 2011

Q:I recently discovered my feelings for woman and have always dated men. I recently met a great woman who I was not sure exactly what my feelings were for her. I knew she was my best friend but thought I was feeling more. A recent weekend away with other friends, (We all live in different states), she got really sick. I held her hand and stayed awake with her all night to make sure she was ok. Well, when she held my hand I did not get the feelings I was expecting to get. I discovered from this that she is my best friend and that is what I was feeling. Well someone mentioned to me that she asked if they thought I had feelings for her so I wanted to be honest with her. We have stated from the beginning of our friendship that we would always be honest with each other. I told her about my feelings and that on this trip I realized that my feelings were pure friendship. Ever since the trip I feel like there has been a distance between us. We used to talk everyday, sometimes for hours at a time. I have only spoken with her once since the trip and she has been very short with the text messages she sends me. Not sure what to do at this point because I feel like I have lost her as my best friend. Any advice would help at this point.

A: Dear Not Sure What to Do,

It seems pretty clear what you need to do. You claimed that from the beginning you two would always be honest. Do that. Ask her about her change in behavior. That would be honest. Without that you could spend the rest of you life speculating on why her behavior changed. The only way to know the answer is to ask her. And while you are being honest, ask yourself is this her change in behavior or yours. Now, that you know your true feelings, are you the one who has started to behave differently? Honesty on both sides of the street is critical to any successful relationship. Be brave and always be honest. Best wishes to you.